becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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