does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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