Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
