you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
