The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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