Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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