I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
