that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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