Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
