Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
