So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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