So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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