Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize