He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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