The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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