so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
