You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
