I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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