I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
