I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I could fuck to npr.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
