I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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