we made out on top of his cat.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
