Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
