just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
