you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
