I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
