when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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