I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
