Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
