the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
