I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think i got beer on your cat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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