I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
