Define "chronic" masturbator.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
