I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
