I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
