ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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