there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Plan B is the new Plan A
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You ruined the universe
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
