I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
