Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
