roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
