Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need water and some morals
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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