he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
