your room smells of hookers.
And success
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
