WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
