The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
