I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
