So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
