I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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