watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
