There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
