I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
