but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
