My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
