my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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