Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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